Is this the news reporter that America desperately needs right now?

It was idealistic, the staff managed to overcome problems by being cute, coming off with sharp witty quips, survived on 3 hours sleep and never having to refer to notes. It was a teenage political nerds fantasy. It was what we hoped politics was like. Such was the influence of the West Wing on politics throughout Europe and the US when Tony Blair was Prime Minister his staff reputedly had the West Wing theme tune as their ring tone.

While Jed Bartlett may have been the President many in the US wished they had during W’s years in the White House, The Newsroom is what they are wishing for in the age of Fox “News” dominance, the general dumbing down of US news and fear of insulting those in power.

The Newsroom began with a promising start, the middle aged news anchor Will McAvoy losing his cool and telling a group of students that he yearns for an age when people aspired for intelligence and didn’t belittle it, great men were revered and that America is no longer the greatest country on earth. Over the weeks it showed the crew of The Newsroom putting together news packages for real news events such as the gulf oil spill, the killing of Osama Bin Laden, Congresswoman Giffords being shot and legislation denying citizens the right to vote as they don’t own a government ID.

This was the beauty, the selling point of the Newsroom and Sorkin’s finest writing. America required a fictional newsroom to report the news that CNN, MSNBC, FOX, ABC and others chose to ignore.

In a later episode, the staff are prepare a bid for a Republican candidate debate. Will and his former colleague reminisce about what they want debates to be; a true grilling by the chairman and the candidates held to account. Maggie (played by Alison Pill) wants to ask Congresswoman Michelle Bachman what God’s voice sounds like and if she is comparing herself to Moses. Congresswoman Bachman had said that God told her to run for President.

Who can forgot John King being scolded by Speaker Newt Gingrich for having the audacity to ask if the accusations of Gingrichs former wife that he wanted an open marriage were true. Candidates are there to be asked questions and to be held to account for their actions, beliefs and proposals. The media is not there to catch them out, the media require intelligent, educated revered men and women to hold politicians and representatives to account.

The problem I noticed with the Newsroom was that all the characters were remolded West Wing characters. Although Republican, Will McAvoy was an idealistic, educated, elitist,  grumpy Democrat Jed Bartlett. Charlie Skinner was a functioning alcoholic fixer like Leo McGarry, Maggie Jordan was the sweet, innocent, harmless, love lorn and clumsy was the equally annoying equivalent of Donna Moss. Jim Harper was the up and coming, desperate to prove himself but always remaining in the shadow of his boss, Josh Lyman. Don Keefer could easily be mistaken for Toby Ziegler, the one who plays by his own rules, doesn’t get on with many in the office, always right but needing to be proved wrong.

President Jed Bartlet considered by many to be the greatest President America never had.

The West Wing was the White House centre left Americans needed during a time of known and unknowns and the breast (sic) and brightest. The Newsroom is the media that all Americans need during times of media organizations controlled by profit chasing CEO’s that play golf on weekends with billionaire backers and advertisers. They do not need timid and sycophantic news anchors who agree to avoid real issues and accept rehearsed soundbite answers.

There are of course exceptional reporters in the American media; Chris Mathews, Soledad O’Brian, Rachel Maddow, John Stewart and Shepherd Smith to name a few. However, when Bill O’Reilly asks if the President is the Antichrist and John King allowing Governor Romney to give the answer he wants regardless of the question, the American people are being left with a toothless, fear mongering and fearful media. Is it any wonder Aaron Sorkin longs for a newsroom that really is fair, balanced and prepared to ask the tough questions with multiple followups. If only they could get access to the candidates.

So what have I missed? I was reading the Grapevine whilst away and it made for interesting reading.

So Scotty’s and the Charthouse are may be going. Scotty’s has a great view which is about all it has going for it. No, that’s not fair. Scotty’s is what it is. It’s like the Tavern for those over 30. It’s a place to have a beer, talk to strangers and have a bit of craic. Charthouse; every time I have been to Charthouse it reminds me of the Cocaine Cowboys era. It’s a little dated, the food is great but it needs refurbished.

Burn Notice may be going. I have a confession to make, I’ve only ever watched one episode of Burn Notice and I only watched it because there was a character supposed to be from Northern Ireland in it and I wanted to hear the accent. It was rather good (Burn Notice, not the accent) but I never got round to watching more of the show. It reminded me a little of McGayver, McGiver, MacGyvier that show in the 80’s where some man escaped from impossible situations using normal household goods.

I’d watch Burn Notice if the writers insisted on Bruce Campbell being Ash.

It would be a shame for Coconut Grove if it goes, but shows like this have a shelf life, there is only so long a former agent can remain on the run. However, I always wanted to bump into Bruce Campbell and get a photograph. I’ve been a fan of the Evil Dead and Army of Darkness since I was a pup and think Bubba Ho-Tep is one great under rated film.

The Grand Hotel is going, well that happened before I left. I hope they find a home somewhere in the Grove for the sculpture outside it. It would be a shame if that was reduced to rubble along with the hotel.

From reading the Grapevine there has been a lot of vituperative comments of public officials and those in authority. People have a right to be annoyed, but getting aggressive and abusive never helps anyone. Calling names and throwing around accusations, many without basis, serves no purpose. It’s always the bravest who shout from behind a curtain.

In my experience of working with public servants, you receive more favor with honey than oil. Instead of all the he said, she said bullsh1t, use the system to your own advantage. Work within the system and with the public servants, if the planning for the demolition of the bank goes up, planning has to be approved, if enough people object to the planning proposals, they can’t build or at least they have to modify their proposals.

I understand that the convention centre may be reduced for a public park, I find this doubtful. Yes the convention centre will be gone but as for a public park being built for $1.8million, that is hard to believe. I get frequently annoyed in London and Edinburgh when I walk around and see gated parks for paying residents only. Maybe I am just an idealist.

There is speculation that something similar to Bayside would be built, while I am in support of more commercial premises in Coconut Grove, having identical shops, identical restaurants, identical amenities as other parts of Miami and resorts in Florida and further afield will do nothing for Coconut Grove. It would simply become Cloneoconut Grove. Clone towns are a blight in the UK and Ireland, every town you go to has the same shops, it is getting harder to distinguish between little towns and villages because every one of them has the same shops as the town down the road.

I hope the Grove remains as unique as the individuals who live here.

I have fond memories of the Lyric. It was there that I first saw Death of a Salesman, Merchant of Venice, Shadow of a Gunman, Hamlet… I could go on reminiscing but I don’t think you’d stay.

There has been a theatre on the site since the mid 60s but as the millennium approached it was clear that it was not fit for purpose. There was no rehearsal space and the building was beyond repair. They clearly needed a new building.

I met my pal and even though the stage was being used for rehearsal, the cafe and bar area are open pretty much all day so you can pop in, watch the river, enjoy a coffee and catch up without getting elbowed in the back by shoppers you would encounter if you stayed in town. When the actors take a lunch break, sometimes they go and mingle with the customers.

What always interests and inspires me though, are the origins of the Lyric theatre. Let me tell you a story…

In 1951 Dr Pearse and Ms Mary O’Malley in order to entertain friends one evening, performed a play in the largest room of their house in Belfast. Over the years they and their friends performed many plays, and after moving to a new home they began inviting a select audience to view their productions in a stable out the back of their new house. They put on productions that other theaters choose not to. The Lyric Players as they became known, choose drama rather than commercially viable productions. They extended beyond drama to include poetry recitals, lectures, using the space as an art gallery, using the space as an artists workshop. Remember, this was their own personal space, a stable out the back of their house, which they converted to a music, drama school and production space.

In 1965 after fundraising and convincing those in office that Belfast needed a new theatre, a foundation stone was laid. The Lyric Player’s Theatre, to give it it’s full and proper title, opened in 1966.

The old Lyric theatre as I remember it, built in 1966 and knocked down in 2008.

Over the years the Lyric Players grew and attracted more talent, students from the nearby Queen’s University queued up on audition day to try and become part of the arts movement in Northern Ireland and be selected to join the Lyric players. Northern Ireland during the 60s, 70s and 80s was a turbulent place. The theatre was a refuge where aspiring young actors could escape the tension outside and loose themselves in the acting world. Actors  Liam Neeson (Schindler’s List, Taken, Kinsey, Gangs of New York) and Ciarán Hinds (Munich, Rome, There will be blood) started their acting careers as members of the Lyric Players. Many local Irish and British actors, playwrights, technicians all got their first experience of theatre at the Lyric Belfast.

So in January 2008 the Lyric theatre closed. Money was raised, celebrity endorsements received, wealthy philanthropists and drama loving folk donated money. In addition, the Northern Ireland Government, the Arts Council and Belfast City Council pledged money if targets were met and corporate sponsorship secured. Eventually the 18.1million GBP required was achieved ($28.5 million) and the new theatre opened in summer 2011 with Arthur Miller’s The Crucible. If you’ve never seen The Crucible, hearing John Proctor defend his name in a Belfast accent is quite unique.

The new Lyric building.

There are better seats with no obstructed views, a rehearsal space, green rooms for the actors, conference space, storage, lighting and acoustics. Everything a modern day theatre fit for purpose needs. The building has since been nominated for a major architecture award and is destined to inspire further generations of young aspiring actors in Northern Ireland.

So, can the Coconut Grove playhouse take anything from the Lyric theatre story. Well yes, during the reconstruction, the Lyric theatre was presented with the challenge of maintaining momentum and entertaining their dedicated audience without a secure theatre location. Solution, they produced plays where ever they could find space. I went to see two Stewart Parker plays in a disused bank in Belfast. The production crew cleared out the space, created a stage and a set and there is was; A pop up theatre in the middle of a disused building in the middle of Belfast!

Another time, they used a church. Wherever they found space or people permitted them, the Lyric Players used it. It quenched the audiences desire for theatre, raised their profile (and funds) and ensured that the Lyric brand and ethos of Pearse and O’Malley to produce plays wherever they could was continued.

The playhouse isn’t doing this and it should. Shell Lumber allowed Shakespeare performances, the car-park of the playhouse had a recital. There should and has to be more. I’m still getting used to the local politics and finding local organizations that work to promote the Grove, but the Women’s Club is a great venue. It has a stage, lighting, seating; it has everything needed for a small scale production. Local business’ could be sought for sponsorship, a local bar or restaurant could sell the aperitifs, interval  drinks and canapés. Local tradesmen could help build the set, local clothes shops could supply costumes. It doesn’t have to be the greatest production on earth but it has to be something to show those in charge, that yes, Coconut Grove needs the playhouse and there is a healthy demand for drama in the Grove.

Even the balcony at Cocowalk could be used for 5 minute soliloquy theatre on Saturday nights.

The Give it Back campaign was great, it raised awareness of the issue, got some great coverage and motivated a lot of people. What’s next? Those who manage the playhouse need to be shown that Coconut Grove residents have an appetite for theatre that needs to be satisfied. They need to be shown that there is a demand, local people need to create the demand, back up the demand with facts and figures. I would imagine those who manage the Playhouse are not motivated by a love of theatre, they are motivated by what returns they can get.

So what is to be done? I don’t know where to start other than; Coconut Grove players anyone?

According to news reports, helicopters were hovering overhead, men in black were fast roping onto the roof before abseiling onto the balconies and clearing rooms one by one looking for hostages and taking out the pretend bad guys!

There were a lot of blanks fired, flashbangs and shouting from the army trainees. A helicopter landed in Peacock park and the marines (or whoever) made their way back with the hostages.

This was a minor inconvenience to the folk in Coconut Grove and all preparation is essential. To paraphrase honest Abe Lincoln; if you have 8 hours to chop down a tree, spend the first six sharpening your axe.

I wish I had of known, I would have loved to volunteer to be a hostage or at least see all the action but I understand why a lot of locals were not informed in advance as crowds would have gathered. My jaw did drop at this comment on the news site linked above:

This was absolutely insane to do right next to the Ritz Carlton where wealthy residents live and vacationers spend a lot of money. During the training, several men were escorted out of the building wearing what appeared to be white coats, something Arab’s wear. Then they were taken aside while the training took place. Why are we training to combat Arabs in The Grove. We sail here, leave the military operations in another neighborhood

Does this commentator believe that operations like this (which they are practicing for) only ever happen in socially deprived areas. All training is essential. I live about 5 minutes walk from the hotel on Tigertail and I didn’t hear a thing. What does wake me up though are cars with their awful music blaring at 3am as they speed and rev their engines down Tigertail.

Maybe before the Grand Hotel is razed to the ground, the owners will allow folk in to play with paintball guns. We could have our own reenactment (without the abseiling and helicopters). That would be a lot of fun I would imagine.

Anyway, I am off to hustle around Europe for a couple of months. I’ll take in a little Euro 2012, some Olympics, Bloomsday, get a little work done around the old homestead before making my way back to the Grove in August.

The security preparation in London for the Olympics is astounding and it is the essential preparation for all eventualities like Grovites experienced on Tuesday morning that will keep spectators, athletes and visitors safe to enjoy the Olympics.

See ya’ll in August.

But first however, an apology, this post has been long in coming. I’ve been putting it off for a while because of work and travel commitments so by my own fault, this is two weeks out of date but I have subsequently found motivation to finish it tonight.

I attended the Coconut Grove village council meeting on April 5, I’m a geek, I’m a nerd and I make no apology for finding meetings like this interesting. My previous opinion of the meeting was, to be fair, not exactly inspiring. I always admire people for getting involved in local politics as it can be rather risky. Rewarding but still a risk.

A commentator on the Grapevine summed up his experience attending the same meeting I did in February and phrases it better than I did.

The meeting I attended on April 5 was a different meeting. It was structured, civil and followed a clear agenda. David Collins as the new Chairman, held the meeting together, people did not speak over one another and there was little to no open conflict. It was, altogether, a productive and informative meeting for the three members of the public, myself included, who turned up. I know very little about David Collins other than he is the chairman of the BID, but he held the meeting together, it started on time, ended on time and everyone had their chance to voice their opinions civilly.

Sadly though, the Council has decided that they will be moving to 6 meetings a year, once every two months. Exceptions will be made if required but it was agreed that the council meet every other month. I don’t agree with this and here’s why:

1. Structure and momentum. The public know that the council meets the first Thursday of every month. If they decide to turn up they do, if they have an issue, they know when to turn up. If it is every other month, they loose track, miss a meeting, their issue goes unresolved, nothing gets done and resentment builds. Issues can carry over month to month, to have a meeting every other month, the momentum is lost.
2. Accountability. Councils need to meet on a regular basis so the public, if they choose to do so, hold them to account. Councils should not meet at the request and convenience of themselves and other councillors but at the request and requirement of the public. These meetings should be open for all and not behind closed doors. See point A.
3. Council or group of individuals? Councils should work together for the benefit of the community and the constituents. As the commentator on the Grapevine mentioned, individuals don’t win team sports (Sorry Lebron). By having the council meet every other month, some councillors may be tempted to go solo. By meeting monthly in the open they are sharing best practice, they are discussing their ideas and concerns openly not over the telephone or each others houses. It is detrimental to community involvement if a councillor says at a meeting “We had a conversation about this on the phone and we agreed that….” the conversation should be had in public. It is then harder for the public to accuse councillors of acting in secret and therefore faith in elected servants increase.

The council also agreed that Councillors have to be present for 50% of meetings throughout the year or face expulsion. If they are only meeting 6 times a year, well, that’s easy to figure out. Another reason in my opinion why there needs to be monthly meetings. Six hours of open public meetings per year is not worth whatever renumeration (if any, I don’t know) they receive for council service in my opinion.

Towards the end of the meeting, Renita Samuels-Dixon distributed a list of accomplishments Service requests and projects received as councillor. This was incredibly helpful and something I sought on the Council website. I was incredibly impressed by Ms Dixon, not just because of the list of service requests and projects circulated (many of which are resolved) but because of an issue raised during the meeting.

Very few people ‘get’ local politics, they think it is boring, uneventful and focuses on pettifogging issues. But local politics isn’t about the big issues of the day, it’s the little things that improve our lives and community such as boarding up a derelict house or fixing a pothole. I genuinely believe that Ms Dixon is involved in local politics not for the glory or her resume but for the wider community.

One councillor, after Ms Dixon circulated her paper was clearly irked by this and stated that they won’t be doing it and considered it a waste of time. That’s perfectly okay and their prerogative but it helps the public and blow ins like me to know what the council has been up to and what they can do for me and the community.

I attended the Village of Centre Grove tonight which was interesting and again, impressive. More on this later, it’s after 3am!

I will forever be grateful to my parents for instilling in me from a young age a joyful appreciation of the theatre. Live theatre is immensely enjoyable, much more magical and more astounding than going to a moving picture show. The audience are treated with more respect and courtesy than in the cinema. I can count on one hand the number of bad theatre experiences I’ve had but if I were to count the number of bad cinema experiences, it could take a while.

Cinema and theatre have the power to immerse you in new feelings and emotions. Nearly every time I visit the cinema I swear never again. There is always some inconsiderate imbecile who thinks it is acceptable to whisper down the phone, text or to go the toilet, come back, then go and get a drink and loud snacks, come back, then go to the toilet again. If you arrive late to the cinema, you are shown to your seat, if you arrive late to the theatre or leave mid act, you wait until intermission. That is the way it should be.

I apologize for the digression. A theatre may not be the heart of the community, it may not attract the numbers that a local church, public house, cinema or a park but a theatre is an essential part of a thriving community. Schools visit the playhouse to see a performance, people from outside the community come to catch a show and theatre lovers, like me and countless others, attend every new show and experience something difficult to describe. Oscar Wilde regarded theatre as: “the greatest of all art forms, the most immediate way in which a human being can share with another the sense of what it is to be a human being.”

I come from a country which values its arts and its theaters. Belfast (population circa 250,000) alone has at least four theaters that I can think of from the top of my head. Dublin has many more, many of them older than Vizcaya. The theaters in Dublin are steeped in history and people will always remember their first visit to the likes of the Abbey or the Gate. I am sure there are hundreds, nay thousands, who remember visiting the Coconut Grove Play House to be inspired and motivated by the performances on stage. How can anyone witness Lucky’s speech in Waiting for Godot and not be awestruck?

Culture and the arts have never been a top priority for politicians or those who hold the purse strings, it has always been the community organizers, the grassroots folk on the ground who do not want to see their community become a clone town. Coconut Grove is unique to Miami and that’s why I love it. A theatre will contribute to the uniqueness of the Grove. Not more condominiums or high rise apartments. People visit, invest, buy and stay in an area because there are activities to experience. A theatre brings jobs, people, investment, prestige, culture and arts. It is not just a place for a group of people to play act. Actors and traveling arts are a community service.

I’ll be attending the Give it Back rally on April 2. I hope that at least 1000 people turn up. I hope no one bites their thumb but rather a clear, concise message is sent to the owners of the playhouse that it should be given back, renovated, fixed, repaired for the community and visitors to enjoy. A message has to be sent that cannot be misinterpreted or be misconstrued: “Get thee to a nunnery.”

They’re still here, we’re going to Berries.

So if approached, please smile politely, nod, send them in the direction of somewhere and then wonder what just happened. For an exaggerated and slightly patronizing idea of what a Belfast accent sounds like, refer to this YouTube video.

But with all seriousness, I’m seeking things for folk to do. My mother will be wanting to shop so it’ll be the malls and a day in the Grove. My father, a history and art fanatic will enjoy Vizcaya (Even though it was built in 1911) and the now sadly limited art galleries in the Grove. Friends will enjoy the bars and nightlife. Back home, the majority of bars/clubs close at 1am, so there will be no complaints regarding closing time.

I’m still finding my way about and not wanting to act like a tourist, so does anyone want to recommend anything else that is a must do in The Grove area? All suggestions greatly appreciated. I’m thinking the Chili and vintage car event at the Barnacle next Sunday, that should be a jolly good day out.

Wow. That’s really all I can say about the Coconut Grove Arts Festival. I didn’t see much of it as I was volunteering. I was a Zone Leader would you believe. I only applied to volunteer, I was not expecting such power and responsibility.

I was privileged to work with some great, enthusiastic and helpful volunteers from local high schools such as Coral Gables High and Sunset. A great bunch of kids young people (kids are baby goats) who sacrificed their three day weekend to get stuck in and help out. I was a part time youth leader back home in Northern Ireland, so I know how easy it is for young people to become uninterested in their community, town or city. It’s also increasingly difficult to find young people who are enthusiastic and dedicated to community involvement. I am sure all the young people who volunteered were equally enthusiastic but I can only speak for the ones I was leading.

Back to the Arts Fest. I don’t care how many stalls were there, all I know is there were lots. I know it’s a cliche but there was something for everyone. It just went on and on. I think the most expensive piece I saw was in the range of $38K, the cheapest about $10 so it did span all the price ranges.

I went to the Wynwood Second Saturday and I was thoroughly impressed by that. Although it was a different atmosphere and clientele, The CGAF was equally impressive.

I must apologize, before I moved here, I was very apprehensive about Miami. I thought it was a cultural desert. Void of taste and full out brash people obsessed with disposable clothes, bigger houses, faster cars and cheap alcohol in expensive designer bottles. The two arts events have, I am pleased to report, proved me wrong. Yes some art was expensive, yes some it was of questionable taste and most of the artists I met were not of the Miami area. However they still came here because they told me that the Grove arts fest has a lot to offer upcoming and established artists.

My one complaint is that the food stalls were repetitive. Every other food stall seemed to be the same hotdog brand or the same frozen lemonade company but I have put on too many pounds to count. Which is worrying, especially as it fast approaching the day that changes my life.

I didn’t meet anyone who didn’t enjoy the festival. One artist told me that he had no one but tire kickers in his stall. I don’t think he appreciated me telling him that he would get that at any arts festival in the United States and beyond. Not everyone who ventures into a stall is going to buy something. I sold antique and second hand books at book fairs in Northern Ireland, more people lifted and had a leaf through than bought. It’s always the way.

People may think that I have been critical of the Grove, I haven’t. I just want this historically beautiful part of Miami rejuvenated and preserved. I want it to be full of life and to attract young people, older people and those in between. People came for the arts festival, they should be coming back for more. Whether it be other festivals, random culture nights or just to visit a spectacular part of Miami. Success needs to be built on before it fizzles out.

Over at the Coconut Grove Grapevine, one commenter asked whether Peacock Park could be used for events. It’s a public space, it should be. If it can’t be used, why can’t it be used?

A big event every year in Belfast which always attracts groups of friends and families is the Opera in the Park. An Imax type cinema screen is erected, sound system put in place, everyone sits on blankets or deck chairs and watches a live broadcast from an Opera in London or further afield. Something like this could easily be done (A satellite link up with the Arsht centre perchance?) , it doesn’t even have to be live, it can be a video recording.

If memory serves me correctly they had a screening of Ferris Buellers Day Off in Wrigley Field to celebrate the 25 anniversary. Something like this would be pretty awesome.

I always wanted to do something similar with The Godfather trilogy. Okay it’s about 10 hours long and the third one lets the side down but imagine watching that in a park from sunset to sunrise.

Or as it’s Miami, what about Scarface, Bad Boys or back to back episodes of the Golden Girls or a season of Dexter?

The Grove has a lot to offer, providing people have the imagination, flair, vision and determination to bring this area back to what it was and what it could easily be again.

I didn’t really talk about the arts festival. It was great. That is all.

I know this post is full of typos and bad grammer but I rushed it in the bookstore, the fire alarm has gone off for some reason and my other half has sent me her fifth text asking where I am. So if I edit it later, I do apologize. I just wanted to get it out there.

When I started this blog, it was to document things that are different to where I come from in Northern Ireland. It was to document my observances and the little details I miss. Such as the BBC and milk that lasts a week. Milk is a dairy product, it is not supposed to last two months!

I really miss live music and dare I say it, enjoying a pint or two. So when I heard The Goose lounge was opening in Coconut Grove, with live music on Thursday and Friday and an open mic night on Mondays, I thought, yeah, no more travelling to Churchills. I can go to a gig and pretty much stagger home.

I’ve been to hundreds of gigs in my time, some bands have made it, some haven’t. Some were already established and enjoyed the intimacy of small venues. The last gig I went to in Belfast before I left for Miami was Shonen Knife aka The Osaka Ramones. They could have easily filled a concert hall but they decided to play to 200 people in a bar. Brilliant night. There is nowhere that I have found in Miami, other than Churchills that are good for gigs or garage bands, all recommendations greatly received.

So I was walking past The Goose tonight and thought I would pop in to check out the vibe. I’d heard nothing but good things about it. It has the trappings of an excellent venue, a good stage, a nice layout and chilled out clientele. There’s even a pool table. I love playing pool, I’m terrible at it but it’s great craic, providing there are no unwritten rules. More on this if you are interested below the fold.

So I ordered a Dogfish beer to watch the game (Chicago vs Boston) and to just chill. Handed the girl a $20 and got $2.75 in change! There’s no typo there. It cost me $15 for the beer and there was an automatic gratuity of $2.25. Unbeknown to me it was a special beer. It wasn’t even a pint, I don’t even think it was a half. I’m from Northern Ireland, a half pint wouldn’t fill a hole in your tooth!

I’m not a connoisseur, all I wanted was a beer to chill out after a hard day. I sure as feck was not expecting $15.

I’ve had cocktails on the 52 floor of The Prudential building in Boston that cost me less than that beer.

I know this is cultural and I run the risk of sounding like a skinflint and a curmudgeonly tightwad but I will never get used to automatic tipping. The server poured less than half a pint, took my money, turned round and put it in the till, turned back again and handed me my change. They didn’t move more than 2 yards! I was a barman for 6 years and I worked damn hard for my tips. I’m not a sports fan but I used to read the sports pages so I could converse with customers, I listened to their woes, I told them jokes, I debated with them and learned what they drank so before their ass touched the seat, I would have their drink nearly poured. I hustled and moved and never took tips for granted.

I know it is the culture this side of the pond to tip someone for keeping the ice cubes cold and the coffee warm, so it is just something that I will have to get used to.

But yeah, The Goose Lounge looks a cool venue but I dare not drink in rounds and I’ll be really annoying and ask the price before I order anything. I’m really looking forward to seeing what kind of music they’ll have as that is one thing I think the Grove needs, a diversity of music venues.

I’m not complaining, it’s an observance that I am going to have to get used to. I still on occasion walk to the right side of the car. Also much to the annoyance of the person behind me, I forget I can go right on a red light if nothing is coming and there is no one in the road. So, please excuse my astounded rant I give when someone charges me $15 for less than half a pint. The Goose will have to be a special night out, I’ll stick with Taurus and The Tavern for enjoying a pint and chewing the cud with strangers.

If you’ve got this far wanting to read about the unwritten rules in pool. Thank you. Well, many years ago I was in a bar in a small town in Northern Ireland waiting on a source. Just sitting, reading my book, making a stout last as long as I could when this chap asked me if I fancied a game of pool. It was mid afternoon, there wasn’t many in the bar prepared to play him so why not, it doesn’t look like my source isn’t about to show. So I played him, he won, played him again, I won. We decided to make it best out of three, he won again. It killed 30 minutes. I decided I had enough and was on my way to leave and bought the guy a drink as thanks for killing time, he was friendly enough.

Then he said: “oh that’s 40 quid” (pounds).

“I’m sorry wha?” I said.

He replied: “That’s 40 quid. 20 quid a game, it’s an unwritten rule in this bar.”

“Well no one told me.” I said as I went to leave. Well, never turn your back on a man who thinks you owe him money. A pint glass smashed just above my shoulder, I turned around to see him break a pool cue over his knee and come at me with the fat end. Needless to say, I ran like crazy out of there and sod the source. Moral of the story, establish the rules before you play a stranger.